Love

Well here I am, 21 now. I almost started crying the other day thinking about how I feel so old now and yet I have so much more to accomplish. Granted 21 is not that old, it feels like time is just going by so fast and I haven't really started catching up yet. I guess the what really has gotten me to thinking is just the concept of love. You hear all these love songs, see all these movies, and even see real life couples and everyone wants that.  We can go on and pretend like we don't, but that's a lie.  I have grown up surrounded by two extremely loving parents, who have had some bad days/times but have always managed to get through it. And they found love at a super young age.  For most of high school and even early college I wasn't sure I even believed in love.  I thought it was some made up fantasy story. I made up all these lies because it was something I wanted to experience so badly that if I couldn't or hadn't experienced it it must not be real. I only started believing it out loud because of the verse in the bible that says very simply he who does not know love does not know God, because God is Love (1 John 4:8) Love is the most powerful, unexplainable, wonderful, yet terrifying force in the world.  So why would anyone not want to experience that?  A good definition I like to use for love is carrying more about the other person than yourself.  And I used to think that I wasn't capable of such feelings.  But then I found someone who made me realize that no matter the outcome of the situation I AM capable of that.  When you care more about someone else being happy than yourself, I think that is such an unselfish form of love. My hope and prayer is that one day he (and myself) will find someone who feels the same way. And the good thing is, is that I know there is someone out there who will feel the same way.  Although I get to the point where I always think "What is wrong with me?" "What am I doing wrong?
and all these negative things that isn't that case.  God knows that right now is not the time for me, and I even know that! But it still doesn't take away from the hurt of seeing all these couples and just wanting for one second to know what that is truly like. It is hard. But it will make all those times worth the while.  Love is extraordinary; if it weren't we wouldn't search after it for so long.  But when you stop trying to find the right man, and start trying to be the right woman, the right man will come along.  (I read that on twitter, i really do love all the positive thoughts on my feed!) Love comes in so many more forms than just the romantic love that we are often searching for! Love can be so simple yet so powerful. and THAT is something that I love :)

Jenni

I shouldn't wait so long!

Wow. I really shouldn't wait so long to write. Looking back at the posts just from the beginning of the semester a lot as changed. My whole life is constantly changing and as a person I am constantly changing. Not saying that I don't know who I am, because I've had a very good grip on that for as long as I can remember.  However, this semester I have really kind of cut loose and stopped caring so much what everyone else thinks.  I can really be who I want, say what I want, and at the end of the day have no regrets. I know that God has really been looking out for me and blessing me in a LOT of ways. I'm so lucky and thankful for all the times that have brought me to where I am now.

Speaking of where I am now, I am one week shy of my 21st birthday.  Growing up, you always look look forward to a few birthdays. 13-when you become a "teenager", 16- when you can drive, 18- when you are a legal adult, and 21- for obvious reasons. So far.... 13 pretty much sucked. I had a birthday party and was the only person who didn't dance with anyone. HA. 16 was even worse.... I spent the night in my bed watching "16 candles" by myself... Hmm, 18... Oh yeah, we went trick or treating and it really wasn't that fun. So I'm really hoping that 21 will be better. I'm actually really nervous to what the night is going to bring.  I can picture the night happening but I don't know if it is going to be the way I have planned in my mind. I always thought I might have a guy for all these birthdays, but I'm starting to be okay with the fact that I don't right now.  I am really trying to learn to appreciate where I am each and every day. The fact that I am about to be 21 has really started to scare me the past few weeks because a lot is about to start changing.  I only have 10 more classes and two internships to graduate.. and then I have to really start figuring things out. I'm trying to not worry so much about the future and live in the moment. But I think as humans we are constantly wondering what is to come.  Every day I plan to start really and truly thanking God for where I am in my life and living in the NOW. Because that is going to be over and something else is going to be happening very soon.

I hope you all have a wonderful day and don't forget to count your blessings :)

Jenni

Grrrr

Have you ever had that one person in your life that just bugs you? Irks you? Makes you want to pull out your (or their) hair?  Always has something better to say than you? Basically just makes you want to scream with every move they make? Well I have that person. I believe God sends people like this into our lives for so many reasons. I think he puts these people into our lives to make us appreciate the ones we love and are close to.  These people who bother us are used as a platiform to bite our toungues and turn the other cheek. Matthew 5:39 says "But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." This is something that every day I am having to not only learn, but put into practice. Because God did give me the gift of having extrordinarily quick comebacks, it is hard for me not to snap back at people but instead just walk away.  Every day I am learning that instead of saying something inappropriate, I just walk away and say a quick prayer. God is really helping control my toungue, so that I can constantly be a light for Him. Now I'm not saying that it is easy, or that everday I am perfect in this mission. Because if that were true people would never bother me.  But it is so much easier to have Him on my side in this that it is to worry about these people. My prayer today and this week is that He will just watch over my toungue and my thoughts, and help me to always be the bigger person and give the glory to Him :)

In other news, Tommy is pitching tonight AND Freddie Freeman is making his MLB debut. And I will be in class for the beginning of it. Freeman is only 20 years old; turns 21 next Sunday (which I'll actually be at the game on his birthday) Since we are extremely close in age, I can't even imagine what it must be like for guys like that to be living their dreams. It has to be a pretty amazing experience to get paid to do what you love at such a young age.  My dad always told me that when it comes to a job make sure it is something that you love to do and not just something that makes money.  You need to be happy with whatever it is you devote your time to. So I just hope that whenver I am finally getting a job I can understand what it is like to love it, and not just do it because you have to. If all works out, one day I'll be getting paid to watch Freddie Freeman play :)

Have a wonderful, blessed day.
Jenni

my vida loca?

Well first of all, Ive been doing Spanish homework for almost an hour and I LOVE it. I want to learn the language so much that it is kind of all I want to study. I have 5 super hard classes with a TON of homework, but I keep telling myself that I will do the other homework later. Ha I'm going to be kicking myself when "later" comes... but at least I might be able to have enough knowledge one day to be able to communicate with more than just English speaking people. I sure do hope so. There is a big world out there with a lot of people in it, and from the little taste that I've got, I love it and definitely want to be apart of God's bigger picture than what I see here. If he leads me in that direction then I will for sure pursue that but I don't know if that is where my calling is.

Right now in the present, however, I'm starting to see that my calling might be to stray away from the people that I've known for so long and meet knew people. Right now I'm praying that He will bring more people into my life that push me towards Him. I have to put myself out there and try and make a difference.  I can have a big influence in my team's life, but at the same time it's a hard situation to be in.  Every time I am around them I feel like such an outcast... Almost like I'm one of the freshman and I don't know any of them. I just sit there, and that is not me at all. I almost feel like I can't be myself around them all the time because I'll just get made fun of. Now I'll be the first to admit that I can handle that, but it also gets old and I'd like to be somewhat taken seriously and listened to at times.  I'm starting to think that my time where I am is almost over, but I need to take the time I have here not for granted and spend it doing whatever He wants. Maybe this is all just a learning opportunity for me to continue to lean on Him.  Like I wrote before, I've definitely felt alone in the past but this is a different feeling.  I don't necessarily feel alone, as much as I just feel like there is so much more out there.  There is such a big world and so many people for me to experience and get to know. And so many ways to make a difference.  I pray every day that I don't let these opportunities pass me up because I'm sitting around feeling sorry for myself.  I want to make a difference and every day put a smile and do something for at least one person.  Like they always say, "its the little things."

So I encourage and challenge you to every day do a little thing for someone else, and maybe this world will start to be a better place. :))))

Hasta luego,
Jenni

Happy Birthday Tommy :)

Today is my favorite (current) Braves player Tommy Hanson's 24 birthday! So Happy birthday Tommy!!! I hope it is better than you performed last night....It happens though. Can't be perfect every game. I will still be wearing my "Big Red" Shirt whenever you next pitch. :) and hopefully you'll have the amazing (and attractive) beard and maybe some longer hair in the back... Just sayin ;)

What To Say

Well, I should go and ahead and start out by saying that I really should be sleeping right now but I just don't think I can. I really didn't even want to write anything tonight but I guess I have a big heavy heart to just talk about blessed I am to have some amazing people in my life.  God has really been showing me here lately that you don't have to spend every moment with a person, or even see them every day to grow so close to them. I think as young women, we often spend so much time searching for "the one".. our future husband; when really God wants to show us friendships and how valuable they are. (I could, and probably will, write a LOT more about that topic ) I am so lucky to have some amazing people in my life who love me (even when I maybe don't deserve it), challenge me, keep me on my toes, and are basically just there for me when all I need is someone to listen. Being an only child, and somewhat introverted (if you know me any at all you would never expect for me to call myself an introvert, but i am in some ways) I have always felt somewhat alone. This past year I moved into an apartment out of my parents house and can honestly say I never felt more alone in my life.  I would sit at home sometimes and just cry because everyone else was out doing things I didn't want to be doing and I felt like I had no one. Or the only person I did have sometimes annoyed me (Ha. ) Even though it was a hard time in my life, and noone really knew about it, it really drew me closer to God and made me realize that I'm never alone. I would constantly be in the midst of tears of sadness and out of nowhere would start flowing tears of joy. I'm not alone. I'm never alone.  Having only been in school a week, and around my team even less time than that, I can already tell that this is going to be a tough semester. Even though I am basically the "black sheep" of the team (I guess I should say white sheep... trying to be pure in thoughts and actions anyways ) I have never felt like I will have so many opportunities to be bold.  Just knowing that there are so many people who don't understand why I am the way I am, and that I live for my one true King is so inspiring because I know He has put me in a position to do great things for Him. I'm not really the evangelist, thump you in the head with a Bible type, but from what He has shown me this far it is a lot more than that.   I do my best to spend every day with a smile on my face, being positive and still stand  up for what I believe in.  I know this is going to be probably one of the toughest times I've encountered, but God has sent some angels in my life that I have as an outlet to get through these times.  And even if they live what seems like a billion hours away, I know they are always in my heart and mind... and are only a phone call or skype message away. I'm so thankful for this awful beautiful life I'm living and I know it can only get better

Love always,
Jen

p.s. Only in the South can you use the word "awful" as a positive word =))